The first month of the year was a blur. It did not feel like a new year. It felt like I was still trying to shake off the negativity from the previous year. I couldn’t quite grasp how to start fresh in 2024. I kept joking that it would feel better once the Lunar New Year started. Looking back, I realize it was more of me doing some wishful thinking than anything else.
It was a bad idea to start the New Year drinking 소맥 (somaek) by myself. Downing the so-called “blackout” version did a number on me. Not the way to start the year. Lesson learned with that one.
Being unemployed brought a new level of anxiety that I had never experienced before. I left my previous job to pursue my creative pursuits. But to be able to do that I know that I also needed something to help pay the bills at the same time.
Finding that job has not been easy. I am not looking for anything that pays as well as my old job. It’s enough that the salary can pay for my basic needs and would allow me the time to do other things. What has been challenging is finding people who would understand what I'm trying to do. People can't seem to fathom why I would want to do something of that level, hours, and pay when they know I am capable of more.
The struggle with sleeping has been very bad for me this past January too. I find it hard to sleep during the night thinking of so many things that range from creative projects to job hunts. I often see the sunrise from my bed every morning and wonder how I’ll make it through the day. I tried making up for the lack of energy due to sleepless nights with food. I also tried to get some regular morning sunlight to reset my body clock, but it was not working for me.
To say that January 2024 was one of my most unhealthy months would be accurate. I even had a hard time working out due to the lack of energy and sleep. Even my creative projects did not seem to work out because I was so out of it. I tried sketching after years of not even attempting to pick up a pencil. I outlined a book idea I had in mind but never started the book itself. I set a schedule of writing projects to finish. Haven't started on those either. Even with goals lined up, I could not motivate myself to do anything productive. It was very frustrating.
My January was not all doom and gloom. I was able to catch up with relatives that I had not been in touch with for a while. The perks of being currently unemployed meant I had enough time to spend with them. It was refreshing to be with people that I rarely got the chance to see and talk to in years.
Another thing that helped brighten my uneventful January was good entertainment. I’ve watched a couple of dramas, one Chinese and one Korean. Both made me laugh, cry, and fall in love. They gave me ideas that I can use with my current creative projects. I'm hoping I can follow through and bring these ideas to life.
I also discovered the K-Pop group Seventeen. I started watching their show called Nana Tour where the group tours around Italy. I’ve also been watching their show Going Seventeen on YouTube. It’s nice to see something new to make me laugh during times like this. It makes me miss Run BTS. I've seen the episodes so many times already that I often don't need the subtitles. I can't wait until they are all together again so I can see something new.
To say that I miss BTS is an understatement. But I miss Yoongi more. I’m glad that there was an ad campaign from Valentino that came out this January. Samsung came out with new photos too.
I was also happy to see a new episode of Suchwita. The latest episode featured Jun Yong Hwa. He's a singer/actor that I have been a fan of since I saw him on the drama Marry Him If You Dare. It was good to see a couple of my favorite people on screen together like that.
A lot of things happened this month. At the same time, it also felt like nothing did (on a personal level anyway). I hope that the rest of the year will be much better than January has been.
Until it happens, I will cling to the common belief that if you’re at your lowest, the only place to go from there is back up. Fingers crossed on that one.
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