On a Cloud

Stability is not a word that I would use to describe my life at this point. April was a good example of that. Work has not been easy. There are days with work, there are days without. It’s difficult to move when I am often waiting for things to get going. 

It feels like I am often in between things where work is concerned. I'm not used to it, but I am not opposed to it either. I love that it means anything can happen. It means anything is possible. Having to wait and be patient is a good learning experience. As an overthinker who prefers to plan everything, having to go with the flow is a new thing for me. 

The uncertainty from last month's job meant I could not take other opportunities during the waiting period. It did not help that I am not paid when I don’t work. It’s a start-stop thing that made me anxious, but I’m owning it. I made the choice to make this move and I need to make the best of it.   

Last month I caught up with some work friends. If there is one thing I am sure of, it's that I made the right decision to leave. As uncertain and unstable as the field is, it is something that has allowed me to spread my wings. It has given me the chance to try new things. It has given me time to pursue things I have wanted to try that I never had enough time for. It’s scary now, but I know this is a journey I must go through to get to where I’m meant to be.  

While I am not sure if what I’m doing now is the right path for me, I am trying to keep a positive outlook on things. I am keeping my options open and trusting the process. Whatever is meant for me, I know it will come my way eventually.   

For now, I’m going with the flow and taking things one day at a time. I’m holding on to my gut feeling that this, as with any other move I make from this point, is leading me to where I am meant to be.  

The past month made me emotional. I saw the photo of someone I used to love and I found myself crying. They were not tears because of the person himself, but more of the kind of person he was for me back then. I realized how much I miss having someone like that in my life. It did not help that I have been having vivid dreams about having someone like that again. I never see the guy's face in my dream. It's like my subconscious wanted to let me know that I wanted someone like that in my life again. Oh well. It's not like I can force this to happen. He will get here when he gets here. Whenever the perfect time is for that part of my life.  

The highlight of my month is my push toward more creative pursuits. I am planning on going the content creator path and I have been working on that this past month. I gave myself a deadline and I am looking forward to launching something online soon.   

My health is something I have also decided that I need to put renewed focus on. I stopped intermittent fasting for the past few months, but I have gotten back to it again. Working out, even if it is as simple as brisk walking in this crazy global warming heat, has also become a priority. It’s a struggle in this weather, but I am doing as much as I can, and I am hoping it pays off. I’ve plateaued since the last time I lost weight; I need to get back on track with this again.   

I read a lot of Seventeen fan fiction this past month. From the perspective of a writer and reader, it has been interesting. I've read a lot but it feels like I have oversaturated myself in it already. I could read more of this but I will stick to specific writers. Most likely the ones whose work I had enjoyed -- that's if they have more stories that come out later. I'd rather watch Seventeen appearances as they promote their latest album for now. Fan Girling on my bias line (Jeonghan, S. Coups, Wonwoo, and Woozi) has been a welcome distraction.  

We're almost halfway through 2024. Time is going by so fast. I may not know what direction I'm going right now, and it can feel scary, but I'm looking forward to where life will take me. Things will work itself out, I just know it.