On a Cloud

The past month was my month of letting go. I had such an emotional April because of work (or the instability of it). May was my month to let go of the stress that came from that.  

I felt that I had placed so much pressure on myself to find a new job ASAP. I was applying to anything and everything for the sake of it. As a result, I have not been able to land anything. There were exams here and there, but nothing concrete came out of it. It was also a blow to my ego to receive so many rejection emails that I decided to quit trying last month.  

Letting go this past month meant easing the pressure I’ve placed on myself to get a new job. I know I have enough savings to keep going for at least a year. There’s no need to rush. All it is doing is frustrating me and giving me stress that I don’t need. I’m still applying to jobs when I see something that interests me. The difference is I’m trying my best not to think about it once I click the send or apply button. If a job is for me, I will get it. If not, then it's because I'm supposed to do other things.  

The focus on things I love and enjoy was part of my process last May. I did things on a whim, taking on things as I felt like doing them. That meant random solo karaoke nights in my bedroom and watching a new movie. Or it could be working on some projects for YouTube, and organizing my writing projects. I am proud to say that I made significant progress on the writing part at the tail end of the month. I am excited to keep that one going.  

For the first time in months, I stepped out of the house in May. I went out several times with my family to eat out or have coffee. I have been so introverted since I left my long-term job last year and rarely left the house. Being able to go out with my family during those times was an achievement. I mean that not only for me but for my family (because they were able to convince me to do so). Last month was the first time in three months since I left the house. It was surprising to realize that.

Adulting was a big part of the past month for me too. Adult errands and mature decisions on my expenses were on the agenda. There are things I needed to let go of in my life as part of my adulting. Still, there are also some that I still cannot part ways with. The K-pop thing is one of them.  

One of the things that has been making me happy and has been a good form of stress relief has been K-pop. As part of my adulting decisions, while I am unemployed, I have had to pass purchases I usually did in the past,. Despite that I still love my favorite artists (particularly BTS and Seventeen).  

Feeling in between things and focusing on the uncertainty of it all is not the right way to go through my days. By letting go of the pressure of my unemployment I am opening myself up to other possibilities.

Maybe I am meant for other things that I should be exploring right now. Maybe the path is being cleared for something else. Maybe I am not supposed to be working for other people but should be working for myself? I’m open to that possibility.  

Midway through the year. I don’t know where I’m headed but I know it’s going to be somewhere good. I will follow the lead of the universe and see where it takes me. I need to think positively about this! Show me how good it gets universe! I can’t wait!