On a Cloud

Last few days of the year. I can’t believe that it has gone by so fast. So much has happened to me in the past year, many of them things that I had not expected. But if there is one word that I could use to describe this past year for me, it’s this: gratitude. 

This year I learned to be more open to possibilities. I set goals for myself, but was not strict about how I was going to achieve them. I simply let myself go with the flow and see where things would take me. I did not put pressure on myself to do things. I decided to choose what felt right instead of boxing myself into a strict sense of what or what not to do. I decided to see things from a different frame of mind. If things did not go my way, I chose not to be upset about it. Instead, I chose to see it as a sign to take a different path, a path that would eventually be better for me. As a lot of people would say, “rejection is redirection.” And they are right. Looking back on my year, the way my life has been redirected for me has ultimately been for the better. 

By having a different and more positive frame of mind, I can say that my year has been much better than previous ones. That’s not to say that I was never upset, sad, angry, or anything of the sort this year. I’m only human, and I do get disappointed too. But it helps that I now know better and can shift my mindset to something else.  I don’t dwell on the negatives as much as I used to. I do my best to shift to more positive thoughts as much as I can. 

Another thing that I am grateful for this year is learning the value of taking care of myself more. Not just in the physical sense but mentally as well. This year I have made an effort to take care of myself more. To spoil myself more. To choose myself more. As an eldest child, and as a person who was a manager who took care of other people for many years, I often put others first. Making the conscious effort to prioritize myself has been refreshing.

Putting my feelings, my wants and needs first is new to me. I feel like I am getting to know myself better. For the first time I am making choices that do not put other people’s thoughts in consideration. I used to feel guilty whenever I did that. This time around I am grateful for doing that. I’m learning more about who I am and what I truly want for myself. Sometimes, I feel a little selfish for doing that. But I’ve come to realize that I can be an even better person to other people if I can be kind and better to myself too. 

I learned to place boundaries on myself and what or who I allow into my personal space. If it's something that is negative, I distance myself from it. If it's something that I do not need to have in my life, I will turn away from it. This has helped me a lot. I've learned to focus my energy on more positive things. On things that preserve my energy. That way I can reserve the best of me for things that will not just benefit myself but others (as needed).

For the past few years I had often complained that life was always the same thing over and over again. This year, it seems that life has been different for me. It’s another thing that I have become truly grateful for. I feel like I have grown a lot this year. I have learned more about myself. I have become more at peace with myself than I have in the past few years. Even when I look in the mirror, I think I finally see a different person. Someone who is better than the one I used to be. Yet another thing to be grateful for.

In the new year that is coming, I hope that I can see more growth within myself. I hope that I can be a better person as I face whatever 2025 has to offer. Things seem uncertain at this point, and past me would be worrying so much about my future right now. But I honestly believe that things can only get better from here. Things have always worked out for me in 2024. Even if things did not happen in the ways that I expected, it all still worked out for me in the end. And I have complete trust and faith that 2025 will be the same, no matter how unexpected things would turn out to be.