On a Cloud

It was a busy February, and I'm glad it's over. My mind was filled with writing ideas that I had to put on paper. I worked a lot on this blog and my posts for Instagram because of all the ideas that came in. There was so much I wanted to do that I wished I had more time for.  But like everyone else, I have a regular job to pay the bills and fund these creative pursuits.

Work has been busy, and if I were to describe the general energy at the office, it would be stressful. However, I had long decided to choose my peace before anything else so I decided to not let the negativity get to me. I do what I can, when I can and I will let life take care of the rest. After all, if you can’t control the outcome of something, what’s the use of worrying about it? Besides, this past month reaffirmed my belief that there is nothing to worry about. There are many opportunities out there for me beyond this job. It’s all about choosing what’s best for my future above everything else.

February was my birthday month, but I didn’t feel like celebrating. I was unable to get tickets for the J-hope concert in April. I tried the ARMY presale, the SMART presale, and the general sale. No luck on all fronts. It was also the month when my family faced some health challenges. It proved to be a month that reminded us that we were adults who had to be responsible for other people. Adulting can be tough, and last month showed us just how much it can be. We had to get out of our comfort zones and do things we normally wouldn’t have just to make it through. I’m just grateful that in my family, that meant working together instead of falling apart.

A shocking event last month was the passing of Taiwanese star Barbie Hsu. She was such a huge part of Filipino pop culture through the show Meteor Garden. Everyone felt like she was family and was shocked by her sudden passing. Her passing made people like me realize how much time has passed and how life will never be the same again. She was someone we all related to in our younger years. Her death so many reflect on how much (or how little) time we all have on this earth. Our lives keep changing in ways we can never undo. We need to make every moment count.

The past month was short, but like January, it felt like it was going on forever. It’s like there was so much going on in just one month you’d think it was more than that. Oddly enough, I’ve spent much of that time sleeping. I think my body is making up for years of lost sleep. The moment I lie down, I automatically drift off, even when I don’t mean to. I feel a bit guilty. I feel like it takes away from so much that I want to do. But if my body is saying I need it, I’d rather listen to it and give it the sleep it needs. 

One long nap led to an interesting dream about Woozi of Seventeen. I dreamt we were in the back of a pickup truck on the road somewhere on a breezy afternoon. In my dream, I was in a relationship with him and he was this strong, stable, protective, and loving figure to me. I know he is one of my biases in Seventeen, but I have never thought of him in a romantic way so this was a memorable dream for me. The feeling of him being in my life lingered long after I woke up. It was nice. 

According to some dream interpretation sites, Woozi could represent my creative side. He represents something I want to pursue full-time. My dream could mean wanting to embrace that side of me. As for the lingering feeling, it could be what I am looking for in a relationship. I’m not sure if that is right, but it does in a way make sense to me. Regardless of the meaning, it was still a good dream and I love that Woozi was in it. 

The highlight of my past month was attempting something I once failed at. This time, I succeeded. It reminded me that failure isn’t the end—it's just another step toward trying again when the time is right.

It reminded me to never give up on things. To never shut out the possibility of trying again after failing. To make sure to give things another shot when I’m ready to. I know that as life goes there will always be moments of success and failure. But knowing that life goes on means any failure is an opportunity to try again. As long as we’re alive, there’s always another chance to begin again.