One of the things that I struggle with is the need for things to be “perfect.” By perfect I don’t mean for things to be flawless, but for things to be just right. I don’t know when it started and how I got to be like this. What I do know is that it’s something I’ve lived with for as long as I can remember.
The struggle I have with perfection is that it sometimes holds me back. Spontaneity is rare because my brain is always thinking that I need to do things right before I do anything. Making decisions can sometimes feel like I will be thinking forever. I often end up wanting to make sure I do what my brain thinks is “right" before I make one. That means thinking of all the options and their pros and cons. Weighing everything before coming up with the decision. It's a process.
I also have a habit of overplanning and overthinking things. I can't forget to mention that I often check and recheck things to make sure that I did something right. If I didn’t, you can bet that I would be overthinking that mistake too. It’s tiring, and I am aware that sometimes it can be pointless and time-consuming, but I do it anyway. They say that this trait is an INFJ thing. I guess I am living proof of that.
Having this way of thinking is difficult. I tend to give up on things if they don’t turn out the way I want or expect them to. I’d rather start over and try again than keep going because I want to be sure I get it right.
A perfect example of that would be my journals. I have so many half-finished notebooks that I will never use again. Why? Because I often see something I did not do right, and I want to start over on a clean slate. It’s not always the logical thing to do, but that’s the way my brain works when it goes on autopilot.
This trait is something I struggle with a lot. I know I can go overboard sometimes with overthinking, and it can be stressful to deal with. I have been doing my best to become more self-aware of my first instinct on things. Decades of having the same habit means it’s hard to shake off, but I am making a conscious effort to change it.
I am trying to be less of a perfectionist and overthinker. I am trying to see the charm of the unplanned, and embracing the fact that not everything can or will be perfect. I am learning that there is good in things not being too planned. That there is beauty in imperfection. And that there are valuable lessons that I can learn from making mistakes.
For the past few years, I've learned that I don’t need to put too much stress on myself to be “perfect,” because no one is anyway. I have also been trying to trust my instinct on things instead of overthinking them.
It’s interesting (and somewhat exciting) to think that anything is possible. For once, I have not been overthinking and overplanning my life down to the last dot. There is always this automatic instinct to fall back into old habits, but I am doing my best to overcome that.
Letting things go and letting the pieces fall is scary, especially if you have this need for control like me. But I can admit that it can be a relief when I find myself allowing it to happen. There’s less pressure and less stress when I let things go and let things flow. I'm letting life happen and I'm only there to enjoy the ride.
This struggle with perfection and overthinking might be a trait that is not good to have, but I do appreciate the fact that it has led me to have a good life so far. It’s not always a bad thing to think, plan, and make sure you get things just right. But it’s having that balance between spontaneity and being overly cautious that I think is the sweet spot. One of these days, I’m going to have that.
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