On a Cloud

Have any of you ever felt imposter syndrome about being an adult? There were moments when I felt that. There are times when I still do. There are days when I surprise myself realizing that I am no longer in my 20s and that I am, based on age, truly an adult. Mentally, I sometimes feel like I am still stuck in my 20s but living life as an adult. I wonder if I’m pretending to be one or if I am one.

When I was younger I couldn’t wait to grow up and become an adult. I wanted to be able to do the things I wanted. Have the job I dreamed of. Earn my own money and spend it on the things that I want. I remember back then someone told me that being an adult is not what I think it is. I was told to enjoy my childhood while I still could. I didn’t understand that at first, but I do now. 

To be clear, being an adult is not that complicated. You reach a certain age and you become one. Becoming a responsible adult? That’s another story. There’s so much more to it than age and living an “adult life” of getting a job, paying the bills, living the life, and all that. To me, it involves a sense of responsibility not just for yourself, but for others as well.

Becoming an adult has given me a newfound respect for my parents. I have already lived past the age when my parents had me and my siblings. I can’t imagine how I could have been a responsible parent at a young age like they did. While our life as a family was far from perfect, it was still more privileged than most. I can’t imagine how I would have been able to do that if I were in a similar situation. 

Now that I have mature conversations with the adults of my youth, it made me realize what adulting truly is. It’s not about having imposter syndrome. It's not about going through the motions of becoming an adult. I’ve learned from the people I’ve talked to that it’s about doing your best in every given situation. It’s about doing what you can with what you’ve been given. It’s making the best out of every situation and taking it one day at a time. It’s about making ourselves accountable for the mistakes we make along the way. It's about learning and moving forward from there.

When I was younger, I held so much resentment for how my parents handled some trying moments in our family life. Now that I am older, I look back and I wonder what would I have done differently. Given their ages back then, what they had to live with, and what they knew of life, would I honestly have done better? I don’t know. They were dealing with life in the only way they knew how. I know now that they were only doing what they thought was best. I am grateful that they never stopped trying to do their best. No matter how many twists and turns there were along the way, they kept trying. It may have been a life of trial and error, but at least they were always doing what they could. They were doing their best in the only ways that they knew how.

Being an adult is easy. Being a mature, responsible, and good adult? Not so much. But no one is perfect. And we can only take things as they come and hope that we can do our best each time. I may not always get things right. I may sometimes feel like I am pretending or going through the motions of being an adult. But I sincerely hope that I am doing the best I can every time. That’s all I could ask for from myself and everyone else. And I hope that is enough.