Did anyone ever think, "I want to be a leader when I grow up!" I know I never did. But I ended up being one anyway. How did I end up doing something I never wanted in the first place? Looking back now, it feels like I stumbled into becoming a leader rather than going after it. All I was doing was going with the flow, doing things I needed to do, and then getting handed the responsibility. I did not aim for it. I did not proclaim to be one. It was something that just happened to me.
Looking back, the way I was raised may have unknowingly prepared me for leadership. I am the eldest child. I have several younger siblings after me. As someone who grew up in an Asian household, being the oldest carried a huge responsibility. I had to set a good example. I had to do well in school and life in general. I had to look after the younger ones and make sure that they all ended up doing OK.
Being the strong one in a crisis meant giving my siblings space to break down and process their emotions. They knew they could rely on me to be strong for them. This was exactly what I did when we suffered a loss in the family. I quietly came to terms with my own emotions while still being the person they needed me to be. It sounds simple enough, but it's not. And I still had to make it work.
At work, I started from the bottom like everyone else. I worked hard, and that led to me having more responsibilities. People then began to notice my work ethic and started trusting me with more things to do. They were also starting to come to me for advice and help at work. One day, I found myself the leader of my entire unit. To most people, I was the boss. To many, that meant being the one that dictates what other people under them do. It meant having other people who would do the job for you while you observe from the sidelines. The thing is, that's not me. I will always believe that leadership is about collaboration and not command.
For me, being the leader was only a title. It's something that people call me, but it is not who I am. I am doing my job just like everybody else. And I was never comfortable being the type of leader who dictates and orders people around. To me, this means working with the people in my unit and not having them work for me. Even during the busiest times, I would rather work alongside my team rather than delegate. We all work toward a common goal, and I am here to help make things run smoother and easier for everyone. Even if it means putting on a strong front when things are going wrong and working to fix things in the background.
Being a leader for me also means owning up to mistakes, even if they were not my own. If someone in my unit made a mistake, that was also my responsibility as a leader. Finger-pointing is useless because it is also my job to make sure that things like that do not happen. I have often taken full accountability for mistakes within my unit. Those mistakes are opportunities to find out what went wrong. That and to make sure they wouldn’t happen again. As the leader, it is also my job to make things right.
Somewhere along the way, all the responsibility and the years of leadership took a toll on me. Being responsible for a lot of people was becoming stressful. The stress and pressure were affecting not just my work, but also my mental health. I felt burned out and stepped away. I am still working, but I have stepped back from the leadership role because of the pressure that it gave me.
People seem to think it's odd to accept a lower-paying job when I can do and earn more, but I am happy where I am. I still help people when I can, but without the added responsibility that my former position gave me. The power, status, and financial advantages of my former position are not worth it. Not when it takes a toll on my mental health.
To me, being a true leader is not necessarily about the title or the status. It is about being able to help and show the way so that not only one person advances, but that everyone does. It's about knowing that we will always need to learn and grow. That we all have our flaws, and it is our responsibility to improve ourselves and each other. That way we can all reach our common goals. Ultimately, we are all navigating life's challenges together. The best way to make it through is to do things together.
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